Against everyone’s best advice I decided to go straight into my MBA.
My mentors said “work first, it allows you to apply to more schools”, “you can always go later”, “maybe you can get a company to pay for you to go if you start out working”, “most people in an MBA have career experience”. It was almost like they were afraid to see “their little girl” grow up, or worried since that really was the norm that going against the grain would hurt me in the end.
I went for it anyway, and made my dream come true. So why do I so feel behind in my life? Why do I feel some days like I have accomplished nothing at all? Why does the word “adult” scare me so much that I have turned it into a verb – adulting so I can make jokes about how bad I am at it?
Is it because friends who didn’t make the same choices as me are buying homes, while I am buying courses? Is it because I still get anxiety about spending money out, while others don’t even think twice? Is it because friends are getting married and having children and my boyfriend and I, together for so long, live with his parents?
It is all of those things, and it is the pressure society puts on young people to be freakin’ super humans. With Top 30 under 30, next big scientist, started 5 tech companies worth a billion bucks, sat on 5 honour rolls, double degree, yada yada yada McGee being the norm in the news these days it is no wonder people feel behind even when working towards their goals. We are always told that when you hit certain milestones (house, first raise, car, wedding, kids) THEN you are doing it right. What about the first time I truly beat my own mental demons? What about the first time I ever asked for help at school? What about pushing past what I keep telling myself I can’t do, to do it 5x better than anyone else? What if the creativity just won’t come?
Well the answer to my constant worry is that I need to make a conscious choice to get out of this crazy funk, which at times can be completely debilitating. A big case of “well if it’s not happening fast enough maybe it shouldn’t happen it all and I will just hide in bed”. This is just not productive to achieving your dreams, and what I need to do, and you might too, is to give yourself permission.
You are the writer of your own destiny, the author of your own novel, blah blah blah. YOU make the decision to get up in the morning, or sleep in because you need it. YOU decide if your body needs R&R or if you need to pull an all nighter to let your imagination run wild (or crunch out a paper). So I have decided after much introspection to give myself that permission. Permission to be wherever the fuck I want to be and need to be. I will be showing up as best I can, with as much as I can, and doing life my way, to be the best badass business woman I know I can be. I deserve it, don’t you?
If it’s not the fucking time right now, it’s just not the time. EXPERIENCE your life. Do it in the order that makes sense for you. You will find yourself at peace, and more motivated to succeed. Once you finally do succeed, that glass of champagne is going to be the best tasting glass you ever fucking had in your life, because you did it in the best way for you. You are not behind.
You are in the exact place, at the exact speed you need to be. If it doesn’t feel right, move to where you belong, and then list out the gratitude you feel when you get there.
Basic quote of the day :”You are exactly where you need to be”
Remember it. Be thankful for it. Push yourself to achieve exactly what you want to. You’re not “adulting” wrong at all. You are exactly where you need to be.